anus:
when you meet someone who hasnt seen mean girls
Yo listen up..
- Capricorn: wow you pissed me off so I'm going to sulk in silence and snap if spoken to
- Aquarius: YOU MADE ME UPSET IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD /melts into a dramatic heap
- Pisces: I'M GONNA FUCKING THROW THINGS. LIKE THE BIGGEST TANTRUM. YOU HAVE -EVER- SEEN.
- Aries: WOW I'M SO MAD for like a second. What's for dinner?
- Taurus: BRB SMASHING HEADLONG THROUGH A WALL TO KILL YOU
- Gemini: Oh, I'm not mad. Wait. YES I FUCKING AM. Okay maybe not. BUT THEN AGAIN--
- Cancer: ...oh. I'm angry. But you'll never know. Tillit'stoolate. Cookie?
- Leo: /INDISCERNIBLE NOISES OF RAGE
- Virgo: how could you do this to me. how. HOW??? Get out of my life. No wait baby come back...
- Libra: Passively plotting your demise.
- Scorpio: This'll only sting for a second. Unlike my wounds which'll bleed FOREVER and you'll never hear the end of it. WHIIIINE
- Sagittarius: I have to leave before I kill someone. Bye!
i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
- mom: are you on drugs?
- me: 私は今の薬です
So in English class we had to draw a scene from The Great Gatsby. After the drawings were done the teacher was showing them to the class, and one drawing was a pic of Gatsby reaching towards at the green light, but in the drawing Gatsby didn’t have hands. So my teacher starts saying something like how this picture has hidden meaning and portrays the helplessness Gatsby feels, and the kid next to me just casually says “I can’t draw hands.”
So my mom and I have been working the same waitress job for 5-6 years now. She had been waitressing years before, but this is recently. Anyway, about… 15 minutes ago this guy she waited on left and told her to take care. Just that. Prior to this she had talked to him about Italy. Her people are from Florence, this and that, and she said she’s never been. She’s got 8 years of art education and she’s working a waitress job. It’s pretty… Sad and disappointing, I guess. Her and my father divorced 6 years ago and she hasn’t had a real job ever. Just been stuck in a small town she’s not from.
This man who we have never seen before tipped her 1000 dollars for a trip to Italy. Walked out, not another word.
…you know. Just when I start to lose faith in humanity….Hm.
